Enough-ness
If you’re anything like me, then you probably have thoughts of feeling less than, not good enough, or just generally unworthy from time to time. (This would be a great time to revisit the first two yamas and be reminded of speaking truthfully and without harm.) Today, we are going to dive a bit deeper into the last three of the yamas- Asteya, Brahmacharya, and Aparigraha. To me, there is an underlying theme of “enoughness” running between them.
But first let’s look at each one on it’s own:
Asteya, or nonstealing calls us to live with integrity of our actions, decisions, and possessions. Adele writes that, “in all instances where we steal, we make the situation about us, not the other.” We can certainly look at the principle of asteya in terms of physical belongings, but it also goes much deeper than that. We can steal people's experiences, reputations, choices, and so on. Sometimes these are intentional and sometimes not.
Brahmacharya or nonexcess is sometimes viewed from a celibate stance. While that can be one way to see it, it again goes much deeper than that. It’s really about living fully in the moment, but also letting go of expectations and over-indulgences. Adele says it “invites us into an awareness of the sacredness of all life.” There is also an invitation in how we manage our energy, by not extending too much energy or packing our schedules so fully.
Aparigraha, or nonpossessiveness is about letting go and allowing things to change and shift. All of life is ever changing. This is an invitation to relax your grip on something that is no longer serving you. I also appreciate how Adele compares this idea to the breath, “like the breath when it's held too long, the things that nourish us can become toxic.”
So why do we “steal, over indulge, and over possess, even if it’s unintentionally? One of the reasons, I think, is because we generally fear the not enoughness of things. This could be feeling as if we don’t have enough of something, whether it's time and energy or something more tangible. It could be a feeling that we aren’t doing enough for our jobs, families, or communities. Or it could also be simply feeling like we are not good enough and deserving of the life we want. When we over pack our schedules so we can feel needed by others, we steal time from ourselves and our undivided presence from others. When we take more than our share of responsibilities, we don’t allow others the opportunity to grow and learn from them. When we hold on too tightly to a relationship that clearly isn’t working, we keep ourselves and others from welcoming in new people and relationships.
I’m not saying that we give up all our responsibilities and go find new people. However, I am suggesting a closer look at the life we lead and the intentions behind our actions. Are we truly interested in the things we do or is there an underlying need to feel validated by others? Yoga has been transformative in helping me step into my authentic self. I have learned to listen more closely to my body as it gives cues in making decisions. I have learned to show up for myself in nourishing ways that remind me that I am worthy of my own love and attention and that of others as well. I still struggle for sure. However, I know that I have practices that bring me back into alignment with my true being and that being is exactly enough for this life I lead.
I have a short creative exercise to help you practice “enough”.
Take out something to write on, a piece of paper or journal will work great.
Find five different colors of markers, crayons, paints, pens, or a combination of those.
Take a deep breath and notice how your body moves as you inhale and exhale. (This is to help you feel more grounded and present in the moment. Feel free to swap out other embodiment exercises that you enjoy.)
Start with one color and draw as many triangles as you feel are enough on your page.
Next, pick another color and draw as many circles as you feel are enough.
Then with another color, draw as many rectangles you feel are enough.
Pick another color and draw as many half circles as you feel are enough.
With your last color, pick a shape on your own and draw as many as you feel are enough.
Take a moment to look over your page.
Do you still feel like there is enough of each shape and color?
Did you go too far with some shapes?
Were there any moments that you considered stopping but didn’t? Do you like the result or not?
Title your work and sign it.
I hope this exercise and these thoughts are helpful for you. I am also going to leave you with a piece from Embrace Yoga’s Roots about each yama.
Asteya: I cultivate a deep satisfaction with life.
Brahmacharya: I know our energy is sacred, so I respect it and cherish it.
Aparigraha: I accept that change is constant, everything is temporary, and from this I find freedom.